Is He Enough?

"...I say to myself, The Lord is my portion; Therefore, I will wait for Him." Lamentations 3:24 I really enjoyed sharing with you what God had laid on my heart about this scripture on the last blog. I wanted to share the last part with you separately because it has a very deep and special meaning to me. As you know, I was diagnosed with Takayasu's Arteritis in October 2006. After this diagnosis, my life was changed drastically and immediately. I went from having no answers of why I was so sick, to an overwhelming amount of knowledge about this "rare disease" in virtually one day. I can remember coming home from the hospital and was alone in my bedroom. My mind began to process all the information I had heard over the last several days..."blocked arteries,"..."arteriogram"..."life span"..."blood thinner"..."stints"..."rare"..."pulseless disease." As my mind was spinning, I remember crying out to God and telling Him that I was afraid of what was going to happen. I said, "God, am I going to die? What is going to happen to me...to my husband and my baby?" I told God that I was seeking His will but I didn't understand what He was doing. I sat down and began to read my Bible, hoping to hear from Him. That night, every verse I read pertained to portion and waiting. I never realized there were so many verses about portion! And then I heard Him ask me in a still small voice, "Am I enough for you?" Of course I immediately said "YES Lord!" But then I remembered what I had asked Him earlier and how much fear I had of death. It was at that moment I realized that I wasn't content with only Him. I, myself, was even ahead of God. I began to cry because I saw myself the way He must have seen me. I knew that dying would mean being with Him immediately but yet my fear of death and the inability to see what He was doing with my life consumed me.God was trying so desperately to answer my questions. He was saying that He was my portion. Since that night, I have realized that He can only be my portion if He totally and completely fills me. That means I must get rid of whatever or whomever holds priority before Him. This includes myself. I share this with you to allow God to be everything to you. I am sad that it took looking so closely to death to move me to shift my priorities. This impacted my ministry a great deal. Allowing God to fill me up also fills in all the gaps that other people and things cannot. This is an every day effort. But when I make the effort, He always makes it worth my while. Putting Him first even helps me to be a better mother and wife. The last part of that verse deals with waiting on Him. How difficult that is for me! But I have found that when I say that I will allow God to fill me completely, it then becomes an act of faith to wait on Him to bring about the best plan for my life. I challenge you to allow God to fully take over your life. Even as Christians, we allow fear, worry, depression, etc. to consume us to the point that God has no room to "be our portion". A friend of mine always gave an example of a cup. If you have a cup of water and you ask someone to pour you some orange juice. What is the first thing that person will have to do with the cup of water? They have to pour it out to make room for the orange juice. It certainly wouldn't be good mixed! But that is what we do as Christians sometimes. We ask God to be our portion (and still hang on to all the worries, fears). There is no room in our 'cup' to have Him without the outpouring of ourselves. May you allow Him to be your portion... Love, Corrie My prayer for today: Lord, help me to lay my burdens down at your feet and not pick them back up. I want you to be my portion. Fill my cup with all that you are . Help me to wait for you by keeping my eyes on you. For I know that your plans for me are the absolute best for my life!